In a world hostile to little girls...

In a world hostile to little girls

I found myself raising 3.

I found happiness in their softness

I found challenge in their intellect-

Vigor in their perspective.

New perspective on life.

I found Life and art;

art and love.

 

I found public announcements of their arrival discomforting.

I found suspicious faces everywhere.

I found alarming unencumbered glances at the playground.

I found motive and cause for potential retributions

I found fear of loss untold

Loss of all sense of control

Faith in the strength of my soul

Life making me old.

 

I found hope.

I found dreams of potential pursuits

I found joy.

Joy of family;

Of seeing my face in theirs;

My mistakes in theirs;

My traits in theirs.

 

In a world hostile to little girls

I found myself raising 3.

Heart open wide

praying for the best,

fearing for the worst.

Doing my best, always

candid in my worst.

My breath since their birth

Lifting my own worth.

Mine till the end of time,

My own earth.

Casey's on the way

The actual due date is march 17, but I've been hoping she'd come before St. Paties. I guess after years of ignoring it, I'll finally be celebrating the Irish festivities. I named her Casey not long after determining that she was a girl. Since she's our third, we wanted to see if I had bucked the daughter trend. With Naiya and Janae, we waited till delivery day to determine pink or blue, but with Casey, the decision to peek was an easy one.

I guess part of that ease stems from the fact that we haven't had a baby around the house in 10 years. My oldest is 14 and in high school, and as with the others (and most things my wife and I jump into) the event wasn't planned, but pleasantly received. We are older now, and honestly, we've done the surprise thing - all it does is make shopping harder. After finding out we began the process of selecting a name.

Naiya and Keinya (my wife) sifted through many a book throughout the first and second trimesters. Keinya named Naiya months before her birth, and I named Janae when I saw her face. They pitched name after name at me, but I knew it would feel right when I heard the right name. One day while driving I thought of my own name, and how my parents came about labeling me for life. I have an uncle Randy on both Mom and Dads sides, so that was easy. Mom wanted it to be Randolph because that sounded more official. The Michael also came from Mom, but the Casey, that was all Dad's. He got the name from the poem Casey at the bat (which ironically enough was one of my favorite cartoons as a kid.) I thought about the fact that Dad would never get to meet this child, about how I would love to connect this new person to the wisest man I've ever known. Then it occurred to me. What about the other middle name? the one that's on the ID, but most of my friends don't know? When I said it out loud it felt right. I called the wife and it was done. I give her Casey, Keinya gave her own middle name Shanee, and she is of course a Johnson.

Casey will have a different set of parents than Naiya and Janae. we are older, grayer, wiser, and not nearly as nimble. It's strange not being the young pregnant couple. Im sure it'll also be strange to not be the young parents at the school plays. Strange days man...strange days.

I pray I will be vibrant, and vigilant, active, and attentive with Casey as I have been with her older sisters. I pray that I will be able to prepare her to fulfill the full extent of God's plan for her in this world. I hope she doesn't continually wear my old ass out. More than anything, I just hope she's healthy, whole, hearty, and here sometime real soon.

muse poem #1

I'm

smelling, touching, chasing, jonesing, tasting,

air left in her wake.

I'm

inhaling, seizing, absorbing, believing, gasping breathing

the promise of aches

I'm

seeking, needing, reaching, grasping praying fasting

In the direction of fate

I'm

leaping laughing teaching asking speaking

to each miracle we make.

Inspiration

She is a fickle lover
You must grab her while her attention’s light is upon you,
or she will certainly move on.
Delay and you will lose her affections;
force her near and she will defy you every time.
She will dance in your dreams at her whim,
leaving you lusting for her very essence
once she has gone.
Heart hollowing in her absence,
her presence inspires greatness.
So pursue her with resolve and patience,
Learn her season and mood.
Divine gift of reverence,
for the artists soul, food.

Less than a month to go....

And I'm sitting here reflecting on the fact that after raising the first two for the past 14 years, its about to be diaper changing time again.  today was the baby shower.  it turned out great, despite the torrential rains.  And just as I am getting ready for the birth of a new life, Me and my group have given birth figuratively to our debut album.  

I don't think Either Drew or myself are the type of guys to give anyone a hard sell of any product.  With our music, we hope people get it based off its originality and lyricism, and wordplay.  Having finalized the artwork just yesterday, I am now ordering CD's en masse for review and submission to critical journals.  I will be giving away many Cd's to people i know who are fans of hiphop, but my real hope is to become a blip on the radar by way of critical reactions.  

Meanwhile we are always tossing about new ideas, and beginning new song projects.  By now I must have over 500 instrumental tracks in the motif at the Hatback studios alone, not to mention the tracks I've made here at my home studio.  It's hard sometimes reaffirming that the way I want to do things, though slow and tedious, is full of potential rewards.  Its a gamble sure, but since we are the ones making everything from the Instrumentals to the lyrics, to the album covers, the risk is slight.  I think i can speak for Drew when I say, I just want our music to be heard. Money is great but being heard is where its at.

Casey Shanee Johnson is coming.  She's kicking and turning and reacting to all of the sounds that she hears through the thin walls of the womb.  For her, and for the two I have been so blessed to raise all these years, I remain focused on creating what's in my heart and giving my art my all.  At the end of he day there is no more powerful gift a parent can give their children than an example to model their own lives from.  I pray they absorb and believe that happiness always lies in the pursuit of that which we love. 

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