Paying Forward

(picture is of the legendary Kaspers hot dog stand in North Oakland)

So last Saturday I was running errands and ended up at the "rich" grocery store in my neighborhood in Antelope, Ca. In my neighborhood there are two grocery stores. The more expensive one, the Bel-Air market, typically has a couple Mercedes, a Lexus or two, and a few BMW's parked in front of it. the typical customer is older and affluent and one who prioritizes their time and convenience over price, and though normally that wasn't me, on this day it was.

As I pulled into the parking lot I heard what sounded like an angry man yelling at someone. As I walked towards the store, I noticed a heavy set black dude with two little boys on either side of him. The boys looked like they could have been twins, and were likely 2-3 year of age. As I got closer, their dad and I made eye contact, and he walked up and offered a friendly, albeit flustered greeting. He told me that he was "just out here trying to get some diapers for [his] son, and these people [kept] treating [him] like he had shit on him." "They should be glad..." he continued, "...I could be out here bustin' people over the head, but I'm tryin' to do it right. I'm out here trying to get something for my kids and this lady just said I was pathetic."

Being from Oakland, I had grown up with beggars and panhandlers of all varieties; From the honest looking "I just ran out of gas and I'm dead broke" guy, who could have just as easily been me, to the professional homeless dude, who pan handled as a job. Oakland trains you to 1) have a stock answer, to 2) make a decision to help or not quickly, and 3) to keep it moving. But I wasn't in Oakland. I extended my hand to dap the dude, who couldn't have been more than maybe 22 years old. looking at his clothes and his kid's clothes I could tell that pan handling wasn't his way of life. Given the angry yelling I heard while parking, I could also tell that this dude wasn't familiar with this area.

I explained to the young cat first, if he HAD to ask for money it was better to do it across the street at the Winco (my regular supermarket), where people were much more down to earth and therefore more likely to help. To his comment regarding the "bustin" of heads, I suggested he keep his voice down and change his tone because "these folks don't play. they will call the ones (police) quick on you...." I explained to him that I was from Oakland and that I had learned that "fuckin' with rich white folks who will DEFINITELY call the police on you, isn't the best move when you are with your kids."

A bit calmer now, the dude replied that he too was from the town and when I asked where he said "the north.... 61rst and Shattuck." I had come into contact with a handful of Oakland transplants in my time here but the North Oakland variety is rare. I told him that "I could see [he] wasn't used to this area or used to begging for [his seeds] (children), and the fact that he was from my part of town alone had inspired me to give [him] a 20$ when I came out the store." I sped through my shopping (staying too long in that supermarket will hit your wallet hard) and emerged from the store to find the dude across the parking lot talking to someone at their car. Extending my hand like another dap I pressed the 20$ bill into his hand in a way that hid the fact that I was giving him money (As a boy I learned that if a friend asks for help you don't make a show of helping.)

With that I got in the car and as I drove off, said a small prayer. I'm not the most religious cat (i don't generally trust organized religion,) but I do believe in God and praying. I asked that God put it in that dude's heart to help someone else if he finds himself in my role in a similar circumstance. I thought of what might have happened if his frustration and anger with being ridiculed in front of his children (for trying to provide for his children) had continued to escalate. The thought of dude getting cuffed in front of his little boys wasn't something I would have wanted to see.

In talking with a few of my friends from Oakland, their unspoken reaction to my tale, was suspicion of the young dudes motives. Were I not the protagonist in the story, I might have had the same reaction. But I saw dude's eyes and I saw his kids eyes. I saw the surprise when I actually kept my word and dropped the money on him like we were long time friends. If he was hustling he was damned good at it. But if he wasn't I really had to wonder if God had not given me a chance to bless someone - a test, and if I had passed.